Nice flat-screen monitors (I guess they're all flat nowadays). I would like to buy 10 of them (for how little space they take up on a desk). Definitely keep a stash for our future computers.
And he's so cute. He came home early from work the other day to play (set up computers :D).
alrighty - and in other entirely not related at all news - I picked up this book to read the other day at the library. I've read the ending (happy ending) and 40 pages of the beginning, and several pieces in the middle. "Keep Sweet" by Michele Dominguez Greene.
It is fiction. But that don't help. It's very hard for me to read. I feel like I should read it. But I've had enough and want to be practical. I don't have to read it. And therefore I'm done.
Well that's that.
We're bouncing back to schizophrenia again with "I Never Promised You a Rose Garden."
And hopefully I'll continue writing soon. :)
Ya me voy! ;)
Friday, December 31, 2010
The Best Year
All of you are crying and praying for a year like this never again (re:2010).
This has happily been one of the best years of my life.
I could just list all of you and many of my friends and family and neighbors as why. But that almost feels too special to go into. =D
I am happy for a couple main things this year:
1) The Lord patched up my heart in the ways it needed it.
2) I have good friends. ;)
3) At the moment I don't feel the desire to complete my 101 practitioner list (how many can I see in a month, you know.. You already know the scene. ;) )
4) Dina, your influence is brilliant on me accepting myself. (re: screw trying to fix myself. This is neat b/c I think that this is what the Lord wants from me, at this time.....) =)
5) Kim you are so cute.
And I would list many more reasons - but I've already done this on my earlier post over here. ;)
Some of the reasons do overlap. And if I had to leave you with a song it'd be Beach Boy's God Only Knows ^^ *
Guess what - I didn't send a Christmas card to Iseemtohaveforgottenhername this year ;)
I did think about sending one to my dentist, though. ;) (just kidding)
Hey,
Here's to a wonderful new Year. ^^
This has happily been one of the best years of my life.
I could just list all of you and many of my friends and family and neighbors as why. But that almost feels too special to go into. =D
I am happy for a couple main things this year:
1) The Lord patched up my heart in the ways it needed it.
2) I have good friends. ;)
3) At the moment I don't feel the desire to complete my 101 practitioner list (how many can I see in a month, you know.. You already know the scene. ;) )
4) Dina, your influence is brilliant on me accepting myself. (re: screw trying to fix myself. This is neat b/c I think that this is what the Lord wants from me, at this time.....) =)
5) Kim you are so cute.
And I would list many more reasons - but I've already done this on my earlier post over here. ;)
Some of the reasons do overlap. And if I had to leave you with a song it'd be Beach Boy's God Only Knows ^^ *
Guess what - I didn't send a Christmas card to Iseemtohaveforgottenhername this year ;)
I did think about sending one to my dentist, though. ;) (just kidding)
Hey,
Here's to a wonderful new Year. ^^
Thursday, December 30, 2010
My new Celebrity crush
K. Don't everyone sigh all at once.
Here she is.
Yoga Zone Strengthen & Tone - Jen Monness
hmm...
I have watched her (in silence, as she was the silent teacher in the other video I've had) for so long. And now I get to hear her voice.
Wow.
Interesting.
That's all I'm going to say about that. (except that it's fun to watch someone be silent for forever and then finally get to hear them speak. We should all try this.)
well, I'm going to think about crawling in bed for the rest of the week.
Have fun in that snow (Kim and Alex)!
☺
Here she is.
Yoga Zone Strengthen & Tone - Jen Monness
hmm...
I have watched her (in silence, as she was the silent teacher in the other video I've had) for so long. And now I get to hear her voice.
Wow.
Interesting.
That's all I'm going to say about that. (except that it's fun to watch someone be silent for forever and then finally get to hear them speak. We should all try this.)
well, I'm going to think about crawling in bed for the rest of the week.
Have fun in that snow (Kim and Alex)!
☺
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
ESFP
Zhen, you would have DIED to see me tonight at Tetris. My oh my. Feather in my cap and all the rest.
In 7th grade I was voted the "most likely to tell my entire life story to a total stranger." I don't know why they thought that about me. Me? no..
yes.
well.
ok.
So yeah - you would have died. hahahaha
I could never see you in a million years doing/saying some of the things I do.
I guess we already knew that.
Made friends (ish) with some stranger as we're playing Tetris. I finally got to being comfortable in the new interface of this game I'm playing. I set up my own room with bells and whistles (I didn't have any idea they had whistles, but you can bet I picked some up when I discovered that). I'm playing host, making sure everybody who walks in knows about the extra keys (that Kim knew about when we were playing earlier but she didn't tell me 'cause she's a snot) hahah
punk. ;D
So this guy starts talking to me. And I'm up to my old ESFP ways again. Had a grand ol' time.
Some of these rooms - people don't talk at all. Others you see some people chatting. I think that's more entertaining, personally.
Anyway, was super fun.
I sorry I left out the most interesting details. ;)
But he was happy to meet me!
- H.O. ^^
In 7th grade I was voted the "most likely to tell my entire life story to a total stranger." I don't know why they thought that about me. Me? no..
yes.
well.
ok.
So yeah - you would have died. hahahaha
I could never see you in a million years doing/saying some of the things I do.
I guess we already knew that.
Made friends (ish) with some stranger as we're playing Tetris. I finally got to being comfortable in the new interface of this game I'm playing. I set up my own room with bells and whistles (I didn't have any idea they had whistles, but you can bet I picked some up when I discovered that). I'm playing host, making sure everybody who walks in knows about the extra keys (that Kim knew about when we were playing earlier but she didn't tell me 'cause she's a snot) hahah
punk. ;D
So this guy starts talking to me. And I'm up to my old ESFP ways again. Had a grand ol' time.
Some of these rooms - people don't talk at all. Others you see some people chatting. I think that's more entertaining, personally.
Anyway, was super fun.
I sorry I left out the most interesting details. ;)
But he was happy to meet me!
- H.O. ^^
Monday, December 27, 2010
sick is sick
Why will my stomach not throw up? It needs to. ZheN...... isn't there a button for this? i know there is. ick
don't sweat it. i'm fine
ok i'm not.
don't sweat it. i'm fine
ok i'm not.
Sunday, December 26, 2010
difficulties encountered
I suck at writing! AAAAAAH!
How am I ever going to be successful? I can't even dream up a simple food-fight scene and pen it to paper. Something should be so simple - and yet it's not. So hard to capture what I have a feeling of and a picture of in my mind. But how to get it across ? ?
?
??
And what would a table in heaven look like (one where we'd have eaten)? And should that be described at all? To me that's not so important as describing the girls having fun throwing food at each other. I'm pretty sure we did this in heaven. It was fun, you know. So I'm certain we did things like this.
well..
I'll ponder.
and keep trying. =D
Let you know if I come up with anything. ;D
- H.O.
How am I ever going to be successful? I can't even dream up a simple food-fight scene and pen it to paper. Something should be so simple - and yet it's not. So hard to capture what I have a feeling of and a picture of in my mind. But how to get it across ? ?
?
??
And what would a table in heaven look like (one where we'd have eaten)? And should that be described at all? To me that's not so important as describing the girls having fun throwing food at each other. I'm pretty sure we did this in heaven. It was fun, you know. So I'm certain we did things like this.
well..
I'll ponder.
and keep trying. =D
Let you know if I come up with anything. ;D
- H.O.
I wanna write a book!!!
I've got a title. All I need is the body of the book. ;DD
hahhaahah
I'll let you know...
hahhaahah
I'll let you know...
Christmas Festivities ;)
This is mostly for my parents, who are now reading my blog.
heh
But if any of the rest of you want to fall asleep for this 9 minute video, knock yourself out.
heh
But if any of the rest of you want to fall asleep for this 9 minute video, knock yourself out.
Friday, December 24, 2010
That's so cool!
Zhen, ol' chum. Have you ever looked into having your blog printed into a book? I'm sure it's not new, and I just barely thought of it ('cause I'm slow to think of these sorts of things). But it just sounds so fun! And I know you talk about letting your kids read (or not read) your blog when they grow up.. (or nieces and nephews ;) )
Anyway, you should look into it.
I don't know if I'll do this or not, but oh it appeals to both my vanity and also my 'should have written this in my journal but I blogged about it instead' side of me. Two birds with one stone. And it LOOKS affordable (I find it very hard to believe, but I'll be happy now just browsing the ads..)
And all of this I thought of as I'm flipping through a journal from when I was (the cutest) (and very funny) 13 yr old.
It's so funny to me.
Can you believe I wrote, even then, how vain I was? And I worried about it, too.. oh! the guilt.
the horrendous guilt I suffered as a good kid!
anyway.
very very fun.
We are waiting for bedtime............. And some of our kids think that we are headed to the store after they're asleep. ha!
punks
Anyway, you should look into it.
I don't know if I'll do this or not, but oh it appeals to both my vanity and also my 'should have written this in my journal but I blogged about it instead' side of me. Two birds with one stone. And it LOOKS affordable (I find it very hard to believe, but I'll be happy now just browsing the ads..)
And all of this I thought of as I'm flipping through a journal from when I was (the cutest) (and very funny) 13 yr old.
It's so funny to me.
Can you believe I wrote, even then, how vain I was? And I worried about it, too.. oh! the guilt.
the horrendous guilt I suffered as a good kid!
anyway.
very very fun.
We are waiting for bedtime............. And some of our kids think that we are headed to the store after they're asleep. ha!
punks
More Christmas Eve News ;)
Joe just came in from a neighbor's house asking if he could add Lego Mario to the 'List for Santa.' "OR," he says "Maybe we could go to the store."
;DDD
You think maybe wrapping my own Christmas presents for me with my child has tarnished his understanding of the meaning of the day?
hehe
not my fault ..
;DDD
You think maybe wrapping my own Christmas presents for me with my child has tarnished his understanding of the meaning of the day?
hehe
not my fault ..
Thursday, December 23, 2010
Funny quotes from talks
So I was watching KBYU today (a nice pastime) and I hear this talk with this hilarious (turns out it is a joke and not real. I had thought it was real and sort of had a fit hearing it - it was so funny) 'scout letter.'
So that was fun.
And in scouring the Internet looking for that talk (to find that scout story) I listened to another talk this fellow (Jack Marshall is his name) gave, in which he encourages parents with wayward children.. blahblahblah very nice. But he gave this "14th article of erroneous belief" (saying this is what parents sometimes fall into the trap of subscribing..) It follows: "We believe in guilt, we hope for guilt, we have endured much guilt, and hope to be able to endure all of our guilt ;D If there is any reason or justification for guilt, we seek after it." (I'm pretty sure that's how it went.) Yes, I pretty much peed my pants listening to that one. Then I called my mom so she could identify.
And that's all I have.
Now to go warm up my hands somehow. =/
! I should add this. Our Christmas tree fell down today. I have no idea why. it's kind of funny, though. I haven't fixed it yet. There's time.
... ;)
So that was fun.
And in scouring the Internet looking for that talk (to find that scout story) I listened to another talk this fellow (Jack Marshall is his name) gave, in which he encourages parents with wayward children.. blahblahblah very nice. But he gave this "14th article of erroneous belief" (saying this is what parents sometimes fall into the trap of subscribing..) It follows: "We believe in guilt, we hope for guilt, we have endured much guilt, and hope to be able to endure all of our guilt ;D If there is any reason or justification for guilt, we seek after it." (I'm pretty sure that's how it went.) Yes, I pretty much peed my pants listening to that one. Then I called my mom so she could identify.
And that's all I have.
Now to go warm up my hands somehow. =/
! I should add this. Our Christmas tree fell down today. I have no idea why. it's kind of funny, though. I haven't fixed it yet. There's time.
... ;)
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
My bit of sunshine came back to me!
you all think I"m talking about you - and maybe I should let you think that - but I want to explain.
As many of you know, I love to send stickers out into the world along with my heart and thank yous to anyone and everyone and then some. Well, some of my stickers came back to me today on a Christmas card! Yay!
That's my bit of joy come back to me. Fun ;D
I finished my latest quilt this afternoon, too. I can't take credit for it being cute. It's all the fabric and whoever inspired me to buy it. [huge sigh]
ok.
and in other news. No other news to speak out loud.
Dina did you stop checking your email except for in the morning? That's amazing wondrous if you are able to stick to that.
ah, and I need another book to read. I'd read Kim-just-read-it 'The Bell Jar' - except I read that the author committed suicide shortly after writing the book - and it's about depression. That's not very happy. Hence my not leaping to read that one.
I'm excited for Christmas. ^^ I've been so excited this year.
Dina I'd love to heed your 'dream' advice to "keep busy." I am running out of entertaining projects to bide my time. Does anybody here need blankets?
bah.. that will never do.
I have a quilt planned for after-Christmas already ;D Maybe I'll just hold on for 3 more days ;D
oh life is hard. you know, when it rains it pours.
^^
Night Kiddos!
As many of you know, I love to send stickers out into the world along with my heart and thank yous to anyone and everyone and then some. Well, some of my stickers came back to me today on a Christmas card! Yay!
That's my bit of joy come back to me. Fun ;D
I finished my latest quilt this afternoon, too. I can't take credit for it being cute. It's all the fabric and whoever inspired me to buy it. [huge sigh]
ok.
and in other news. No other news to speak out loud.
Dina did you stop checking your email except for in the morning? That's amazing wondrous if you are able to stick to that.
ah, and I need another book to read. I'd read Kim-just-read-it 'The Bell Jar' - except I read that the author committed suicide shortly after writing the book - and it's about depression. That's not very happy. Hence my not leaping to read that one.
I'm excited for Christmas. ^^ I've been so excited this year.
Dina I'd love to heed your 'dream' advice to "keep busy." I am running out of entertaining projects to bide my time. Does anybody here need blankets?
bah.. that will never do.
I have a quilt planned for after-Christmas already ;D Maybe I'll just hold on for 3 more days ;D
oh life is hard. you know, when it rains it pours.
^^
Night Kiddos!
ow - the stomachache @#!
Had too much fun last night. And chocolate withdrawal this morning. It's really bad news. I hate it. I hate being sad b/c of chocolate withdrawal. It's the most idiotic ridiculous thing. I'll just have to wait it out.
In other news: no other news. =) And I'm trying really hard to untangle myself from the computer. Trying to get psyched up about quilting instead. hm. maybe if I was quilting a blanket with chocolate design on it or something.. hm? yes.
but no.
I've only turtles and lizards (which are cute enough, but just don't hold a candle).
Oh - and this is tentative news. We will be hosting (very possibly) a number of sleep-overs this weekend (kids are out of school for like 5 months, I think it is). So if you're interested, bring a pillow and a movie (can't come over without a movie) and stay a while. ^^
hahahahaha
oh nevermind
In other news: no other news. =) And I'm trying really hard to untangle myself from the computer. Trying to get psyched up about quilting instead. hm. maybe if I was quilting a blanket with chocolate design on it or something.. hm? yes.
but no.
I've only turtles and lizards (which are cute enough, but just don't hold a candle).
Oh - and this is tentative news. We will be hosting (very possibly) a number of sleep-overs this weekend (kids are out of school for like 5 months, I think it is). So if you're interested, bring a pillow and a movie (can't come over without a movie) and stay a while. ^^
hahahahaha
oh nevermind
Monday, December 20, 2010
I don't hate the people in the city
I'm going to compose Zhen's eulogy pretty soon (although the thought has occurred to me that perhaps only her Internet connection/computer has failed.) How tragic it would be - nay - how tragic it IS.
I was just barely telling dear Cody over here "right about now, Zhen would write a post about how she hates the people in the city."
To which he insightfully replied "you'll have to hate the people in the city all by yourself."
Alas. I'm afraid I don't hate people in the city. What am I going to do ?
Alex, I think this quandary may be bigger than you and I put together ;D
You don't wanna start hating city-people with me, do you?
ol' chum?
I was just barely telling dear Cody over here "right about now, Zhen would write a post about how she hates the people in the city."
To which he insightfully replied "you'll have to hate the people in the city all by yourself."
Alas. I'm afraid I don't hate people in the city. What am I going to do ?
Alex, I think this quandary may be bigger than you and I put together ;D
You don't wanna start hating city-people with me, do you?
ol' chum?
The Most Amazing thing
happened when I went to answer the door this morning. I hoped it was someone other than the person I've been expecting and hoping it would be every knock for the last 3+ years. (I don't want to say four years, 'cause that sounds really depressing). Three is normal. ;)
I love being normal. ^^
Anyway - very exciting! And yes - it was still the same 3 yr old that always knocks on our door.
I expect to see him back again at 3:30. ;D
=(
hahah
Zhen where are you? I hope you haven't died.
.....
I love being normal. ^^
Anyway - very exciting! And yes - it was still the same 3 yr old that always knocks on our door.
I expect to see him back again at 3:30. ;D
=(
hahah
Zhen where are you? I hope you haven't died.
.....
Sunday, December 19, 2010
'Bundled to the ears'
may be sick.
That's what I get for visiting my sick friends ;)
But HEY! - Jamie Lee Curtis is on tv tonight (Christmas with the Kranks) - so we're having fun. ;)
I've never seen this movie before.
^^
home today =)
These herbs are the best damn thing on the planet.
UNfortunately, I am so stoned I missed choir at 11 'cause I couldn't get out of bed - and am now missing church (partly b/c of Jack - but it is a real relief 'cause I am also too tired to change my socks. although I DID manage to take a shower this morning. yay me.)
and I DID try my acupressure treatment on myself (for the herbs) to try to break out of this stuper I'm in. That helped a little maybe - but then I was extremely dizzy. So then I finally ate some food. That helped. But I'm still hosed.
so.
uh.
wonderful herbs - and they Do help me. They do wonders to relax me (without the nerve-frazzling side-effects of Benadryl). And generally they have no side effects that I have noticed.
But.
I guess I took too much (?). Still was within my regular dosage prescribed by the acupuncturist I see. But maybe I should not have taken some this morning without eating breakfast.
Thing is - I woke up at 7 (that's really good compared to waking up at 2:00/3:00 without) and was really still exhausted - but also wired enough that I would not be able to sleep without taking something decent to help that. So I took a normal dose and was able to fall asleep again (very nice) until 9:30. Happily the kids all slept in 'till then, too. At 9:30 I was up and took just a smidge more (again to help keep me nice and calm and not jittery at all). I love this stuff.
And went back to bed (as per sleeping in just a couple more minutes). Was too hosed to get up at 11:00. Very stoned.
my goodness!
Finally managed to get up at 11:30 and try food, bathing and acupressure. Food helped the most.
And here I am grateful (and sorta sad) that I am not having to go to church today.
haha
still stoned.
so.
I guess the moral of the story is.
I am a sensitive girl - and maybe I don't need a lot of that herb (or certainly not if I'm taking it on an empty stomach).
It's weird, though.
'cause last time I took these herbs and they helped me sleep really well (I mean when I combined two herbal formulas together, as my practitioner advised) I DID sleep very very well (I had been behind on my sleep at that time) for a couple nights. And then that effect seemed to wear off (or I can't remember) - but I stopped feeling I should take the two herbs together. And so I just took the one, mostly and very little of the second.
So part of me is wondering if this time I did take too much OR was not too much really but I was just that behind on sleep, and so staying in bed for a good while is what was needed.
I think it was more the first than the latter. But I'm not sure.
At any rate.
forget Benadryl. Go Chinese herbs!
p.p.s.
Have to brag. Cody and I were watching Jeopardy the other night and there was a category "Mandarin Chinese." I got 2 or 3 questions right! (and haven't even studied yet. Hah!)
UNfortunately, I am so stoned I missed choir at 11 'cause I couldn't get out of bed - and am now missing church (partly b/c of Jack - but it is a real relief 'cause I am also too tired to change my socks. although I DID manage to take a shower this morning. yay me.)
and I DID try my acupressure treatment on myself (for the herbs) to try to break out of this stuper I'm in. That helped a little maybe - but then I was extremely dizzy. So then I finally ate some food. That helped. But I'm still hosed.
so.
uh.
wonderful herbs - and they Do help me. They do wonders to relax me (without the nerve-frazzling side-effects of Benadryl). And generally they have no side effects that I have noticed.
But.
I guess I took too much (?). Still was within my regular dosage prescribed by the acupuncturist I see. But maybe I should not have taken some this morning without eating breakfast.
Thing is - I woke up at 7 (that's really good compared to waking up at 2:00/3:00 without) and was really still exhausted - but also wired enough that I would not be able to sleep without taking something decent to help that. So I took a normal dose and was able to fall asleep again (very nice) until 9:30. Happily the kids all slept in 'till then, too. At 9:30 I was up and took just a smidge more (again to help keep me nice and calm and not jittery at all). I love this stuff.
And went back to bed (as per sleeping in just a couple more minutes). Was too hosed to get up at 11:00. Very stoned.
my goodness!
Finally managed to get up at 11:30 and try food, bathing and acupressure. Food helped the most.
And here I am grateful (and sorta sad) that I am not having to go to church today.
haha
still stoned.
so.
I guess the moral of the story is.
I am a sensitive girl - and maybe I don't need a lot of that herb (or certainly not if I'm taking it on an empty stomach).
It's weird, though.
'cause last time I took these herbs and they helped me sleep really well (I mean when I combined two herbal formulas together, as my practitioner advised) I DID sleep very very well (I had been behind on my sleep at that time) for a couple nights. And then that effect seemed to wear off (or I can't remember) - but I stopped feeling I should take the two herbs together. And so I just took the one, mostly and very little of the second.
So part of me is wondering if this time I did take too much OR was not too much really but I was just that behind on sleep, and so staying in bed for a good while is what was needed.
I think it was more the first than the latter. But I'm not sure.
At any rate.
forget Benadryl. Go Chinese herbs!
p.p.s.
Have to brag. Cody and I were watching Jeopardy the other night and there was a category "Mandarin Chinese." I got 2 or 3 questions right! (and haven't even studied yet. Hah!)
Saturday, December 18, 2010
The Quiet Room - review
K. I'm finished reading ;)
... and just trying to figure out how to say what I want to say about this book without swearing. (very good). I really liked it a ton.
Everyone go read it.
That's all.
^^
... and just trying to figure out how to say what I want to say about this book without swearing. (very good). I really liked it a ton.
Everyone go read it.
That's all.
^^
being like you, cont...
Guess I'll just take the bandaid off. I want to type a few passages from the book I'm reading (something I've seen you do, Dina - and I really like seeing what parts of a book you like that way).
The Quiet Room - Lori Schiller and Amanda Bennett
K. This first part is when she meets with her new psychiatrist. She (the main character/patient) yells obscenities in her face after trying very very hard to stay focused and ignore her voices she hears in her head. So she finally can't handle it - and yells the obscenities right at this woman, and expects a certain reaction (not that she was doing it for a reaction. she definitely wasn't - at least the way she describes her experience). The doctor does not react negatively at all - just stays the same and continues (very "caring, curious [and] tranquil").
"I had had many doctors listening to me before. But somehow with Dr. Doller it was different. It seemed to me that she peered right inside of me and sensed what I was feeling.
As we parted, the Voices were still howling, yelling in my ear that Dr. Doller was a witch and that she was trying to kill me. But something deep down inside me--the real, well side of me--told me that the Voices were lying. Deep down inside of me I knew that this was a woman I could trust." p. 195
I like that. I feel that (well I have to read the rest of the story to see) - but she was probably a very intuitive doctor! I'll let you know if she turns out to be the doctor that finally prescribes the medication that actually helped/helps her get her symptoms under control. But I love that feeling that the patient describes about the other person being able to see into her soul. Very nice connection there. ;D
Also enjoy this part. This is one of many where you see this woman fight so hard and she IS a good person. It's clearly visible, I think. It is also interesting to see how difficult it must be to struggle with the things she deals with. She doesn't tell her doctors (although she's starting to) about the Voices in her head b/c the Voices tell her that if she does that they will kill her and/or the doctors. There's another part of the book I like where she gives her opinion of a doctor after having told the doctor about a looming threat (the Voices, etc) - but the doctor pays no heed (as in does not heed that he is in any real danger. certainly he is not.) But to the patient - he just looks like an idiot for not caring about that he's in danger after what she just told him. See?
What would it be like to struggle with that? And how logical her thoughts are in some ways. It really makes perfect sense, actually. (on a certain level).
Interesting.
And she struggles so hard.
"I sat bolt upright on a chair in her office, trying hard to answer the routine questions she was asking me, and to warn her that her life was in danger. My body shook all over. I had to warn her in a way that the Voices couldn't hear, or they would kill both of us. I couldn't concentrate. There was no way of talking to her without the Voices jumping between us. The orders were growing more and more insistent.
"Kill her! Kill her now!" they commanded.
I couldn't stand it. I leaped from my chair and bolted from the room. I ran all the way back to the unit where I collapsed, panting with fear, in the safety of my room.
After that I refused to go to her office again. I refused to meet anywhere alone with her. I was afraid of what she would do to me. More than that, I was afraid of what I would do to her. I was afraid of succumbing to the Voices' charges. I was afraid of becoming a murderer.
Why did this happen? Why was I so afraid of Dr. Fischer? I had had many theraists before throughout my hospitalization. I had often been tense and nervous on meeting a new therapist, or anxious and depressed when one I was used to left me. But no one had affected me the way Dr. Fischer did. Dr. Fischer was special.
All three of us--Dr. Doller, Dr. Fischer and I--were close in age. Dr. Doller was a few years older; Dr. Fischer was probably about my age, or maybe a little younger. but Dr. Doller seemed much older than I, not just in years but in experience and wisdom and accomplishment. Her manner was motherly and, while she didn't feel like a mother to me, she did feel like a big sister, the big sister I never had.
Dr. Fischer, though, seemed much younger. She was petite and pretty, a perfect size four with long curly black hair. She was chic, always wearing fashionable clothes. Dr. Fischer wasn't my sister. She was me. She was the me that I had left behind ten years ago. She was the me buried deep under these pounds of fat. She was the me cowering in terror under the Voices' assaults. She was the me I wanted to reclaim but couldn't. She had everything I wanted but didn't have. She was everything I wanted to be but couldn't be. Everything she was, I was the opposite. I couldn't stand her. I hated her. I loved her. I wanted her to die. I wanted her to like me. I wanted to kill her. I wanted to be her. " p. 199
I also like this part later in the book.. She has run away (one of several times). She ends up in a church (disoriented) and decides to pray for the first time in her life (so she says ;) ).
"I began to pray. I begged God to tell me what to do. . . .
Please dear God--help me to make it through this wretchedness in my life.
I need relief and I'm feeling weak.
I must persevere, but I'm running scared.
I'm so sorry for all the bad I've done in my life. (doesn't this just break your heart? She's been a good kid - it's been obvious throughout the book)
...I'll never be evil again.
..If you want me to die I will.
Just don't send me to hell.
I've been there already.
I'm sorry for all my ugliness, for all my badness.
But please--I want to be saved.
Please...God, answer .." p 205
Yes. That makes me want to cry.
Guess I'll keep reading. ^^ I admire her strength. Hope to meet her someday ;)
The Quiet Room - Lori Schiller and Amanda Bennett
K. This first part is when she meets with her new psychiatrist. She (the main character/patient) yells obscenities in her face after trying very very hard to stay focused and ignore her voices she hears in her head. So she finally can't handle it - and yells the obscenities right at this woman, and expects a certain reaction (not that she was doing it for a reaction. she definitely wasn't - at least the way she describes her experience). The doctor does not react negatively at all - just stays the same and continues (very "caring, curious [and] tranquil").
"I had had many doctors listening to me before. But somehow with Dr. Doller it was different. It seemed to me that she peered right inside of me and sensed what I was feeling.
As we parted, the Voices were still howling, yelling in my ear that Dr. Doller was a witch and that she was trying to kill me. But something deep down inside me--the real, well side of me--told me that the Voices were lying. Deep down inside of me I knew that this was a woman I could trust." p. 195
I like that. I feel that (well I have to read the rest of the story to see) - but she was probably a very intuitive doctor! I'll let you know if she turns out to be the doctor that finally prescribes the medication that actually helped/helps her get her symptoms under control. But I love that feeling that the patient describes about the other person being able to see into her soul. Very nice connection there. ;D
Also enjoy this part. This is one of many where you see this woman fight so hard and she IS a good person. It's clearly visible, I think. It is also interesting to see how difficult it must be to struggle with the things she deals with. She doesn't tell her doctors (although she's starting to) about the Voices in her head b/c the Voices tell her that if she does that they will kill her and/or the doctors. There's another part of the book I like where she gives her opinion of a doctor after having told the doctor about a looming threat (the Voices, etc) - but the doctor pays no heed (as in does not heed that he is in any real danger. certainly he is not.) But to the patient - he just looks like an idiot for not caring about that he's in danger after what she just told him. See?
What would it be like to struggle with that? And how logical her thoughts are in some ways. It really makes perfect sense, actually. (on a certain level).
Interesting.
And she struggles so hard.
"I sat bolt upright on a chair in her office, trying hard to answer the routine questions she was asking me, and to warn her that her life was in danger. My body shook all over. I had to warn her in a way that the Voices couldn't hear, or they would kill both of us. I couldn't concentrate. There was no way of talking to her without the Voices jumping between us. The orders were growing more and more insistent.
"Kill her! Kill her now!" they commanded.
I couldn't stand it. I leaped from my chair and bolted from the room. I ran all the way back to the unit where I collapsed, panting with fear, in the safety of my room.
After that I refused to go to her office again. I refused to meet anywhere alone with her. I was afraid of what she would do to me. More than that, I was afraid of what I would do to her. I was afraid of succumbing to the Voices' charges. I was afraid of becoming a murderer.
Why did this happen? Why was I so afraid of Dr. Fischer? I had had many theraists before throughout my hospitalization. I had often been tense and nervous on meeting a new therapist, or anxious and depressed when one I was used to left me. But no one had affected me the way Dr. Fischer did. Dr. Fischer was special.
All three of us--Dr. Doller, Dr. Fischer and I--were close in age. Dr. Doller was a few years older; Dr. Fischer was probably about my age, or maybe a little younger. but Dr. Doller seemed much older than I, not just in years but in experience and wisdom and accomplishment. Her manner was motherly and, while she didn't feel like a mother to me, she did feel like a big sister, the big sister I never had.
Dr. Fischer, though, seemed much younger. She was petite and pretty, a perfect size four with long curly black hair. She was chic, always wearing fashionable clothes. Dr. Fischer wasn't my sister. She was me. She was the me that I had left behind ten years ago. She was the me buried deep under these pounds of fat. She was the me cowering in terror under the Voices' assaults. She was the me I wanted to reclaim but couldn't. She had everything I wanted but didn't have. She was everything I wanted to be but couldn't be. Everything she was, I was the opposite. I couldn't stand her. I hated her. I loved her. I wanted her to die. I wanted her to like me. I wanted to kill her. I wanted to be her. " p. 199
I also like this part later in the book.. She has run away (one of several times). She ends up in a church (disoriented) and decides to pray for the first time in her life (so she says ;) ).
"I began to pray. I begged God to tell me what to do. . . .
Please dear God--help me to make it through this wretchedness in my life.
I need relief and I'm feeling weak.
I must persevere, but I'm running scared.
I'm so sorry for all the bad I've done in my life. (doesn't this just break your heart? She's been a good kid - it's been obvious throughout the book)
...I'll never be evil again.
..If you want me to die I will.
Just don't send me to hell.
I've been there already.
I'm sorry for all my ugliness, for all my badness.
But please--I want to be saved.
Please...God, answer .." p 205
Yes. That makes me want to cry.
Guess I'll keep reading. ^^ I admire her strength. Hope to meet her someday ;)
Friday, December 17, 2010
The Quiet Room
Maybe you have read this book. I am thoroughly enjoying this autobiography right now. (and somehow I've managed to get a little work done, also, today. Not much, though ^^ )
Marvelous.
So here's a woman who hears voices (horrible voices telling her horrible things almost constantly). I haven't finished the book yet, but supposedly she is finally given an experimental medication that works well enough to allow her to function normally now. That is amazing (and what is more amazing is her good spirit that is visible throughout the story. wow). I find myself sympathizing (or feeling connected some way) more than I'd expected. I really feel for this girl going through the hell that she is and has been through. Poor thing. But I admire her spirit and would be happy to meet her someday.
The reason I'm writing (besides to say 'wow I feel extra sympathetic for a somebody I have never met in this life') is to voice my thoughts on those 'voices.'
What the h-- is that?
We're talking about schizophrenia here. I realize I failed to mention that. But that aside. There are theories behind what causes mental illness, and what causes hallucinations.
As I've been reading this book and about her harrowing experience, it can't help but enter my mind that whatever the source of her auditory hallucinations/thoughts - they are definitely not from God - and I don't for a second believe they are from her either. I believe they're from a somebody who doesn't deserve to be acknowledged in any way except to point out that he has a limited amount of power compared to the God I worship.
But I wonder.. And maybe there are other explanations. Naturally I'm narrow-minded (so sorry) and find any other explanation hard to believe. How could ideas as incorrect and evil as the ones this person struggles with be from any being except one who wants to see her miserable? But she has triumphed (with the help of her peers and love of her family) in spite of everything he has bothered to throw at her.
So nya.
heh
really..
so what's up with that? Is it possible that mental illness makes it possible for us (or for some people) to be influenced by negative spirits (very real - but normally not audibly heard or visibly seen?)
?
I wonder.
I wonder too about the opposite. or not really the opposite - but can it go both ways? Can mental illness (in its various forms) make it possible for people to be more aware of the other spirits around us? (not necessarily the bad ones?)
I was depressed years ago and I felt more connected than I wanted to be to what I'm pretty sure was a world of spirits that has always been all around us but often we are not too aware of. After a while, that cleared up, and I haven't had that same problem since then (of feeling like I could see a world I wanted to be a part of - but didn't belong to).
At any rate. I wonder about that.
Are there connections there?
Surely this woman I am reading about - the voices she hears are not of her own making in any way. I can't believe that they are the workings of her spirit (on any level) or even of her own subconscious mind. I just can't picture or even accuse her on any level of that... of being responsible for her own ideas (those horrid voices she hears).
And certainly they're not from a loving God either.
well..
who knows.
At any rate, I am enjoying my book.
Hope you are, too. (I know half of you are book-worms. ^^ )
Later,
- J
Marvelous.
So here's a woman who hears voices (horrible voices telling her horrible things almost constantly). I haven't finished the book yet, but supposedly she is finally given an experimental medication that works well enough to allow her to function normally now. That is amazing (and what is more amazing is her good spirit that is visible throughout the story. wow). I find myself sympathizing (or feeling connected some way) more than I'd expected. I really feel for this girl going through the hell that she is and has been through. Poor thing. But I admire her spirit and would be happy to meet her someday.
The reason I'm writing (besides to say 'wow I feel extra sympathetic for a somebody I have never met in this life') is to voice my thoughts on those 'voices.'
What the h-- is that?
We're talking about schizophrenia here. I realize I failed to mention that. But that aside. There are theories behind what causes mental illness, and what causes hallucinations.
As I've been reading this book and about her harrowing experience, it can't help but enter my mind that whatever the source of her auditory hallucinations/thoughts - they are definitely not from God - and I don't for a second believe they are from her either. I believe they're from a somebody who doesn't deserve to be acknowledged in any way except to point out that he has a limited amount of power compared to the God I worship.
But I wonder.. And maybe there are other explanations. Naturally I'm narrow-minded (so sorry) and find any other explanation hard to believe. How could ideas as incorrect and evil as the ones this person struggles with be from any being except one who wants to see her miserable? But she has triumphed (with the help of her peers and love of her family) in spite of everything he has bothered to throw at her.
So nya.
heh
really..
so what's up with that? Is it possible that mental illness makes it possible for us (or for some people) to be influenced by negative spirits (very real - but normally not audibly heard or visibly seen?)
?
I wonder.
I wonder too about the opposite. or not really the opposite - but can it go both ways? Can mental illness (in its various forms) make it possible for people to be more aware of the other spirits around us? (not necessarily the bad ones?)
I was depressed years ago and I felt more connected than I wanted to be to what I'm pretty sure was a world of spirits that has always been all around us but often we are not too aware of. After a while, that cleared up, and I haven't had that same problem since then (of feeling like I could see a world I wanted to be a part of - but didn't belong to).
At any rate. I wonder about that.
Are there connections there?
Surely this woman I am reading about - the voices she hears are not of her own making in any way. I can't believe that they are the workings of her spirit (on any level) or even of her own subconscious mind. I just can't picture or even accuse her on any level of that... of being responsible for her own ideas (those horrid voices she hears).
And certainly they're not from a loving God either.
well..
who knows.
At any rate, I am enjoying my book.
Hope you are, too. (I know half of you are book-worms. ^^ )
Later,
- J
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
Oh the places we'll go =)
Zhen, you need to come to Salt Lake. I'll show you around to all the best latino grocers. I'm sure you don't have any of those where you live.
heh
but honestly, they're not as cool as the ones here in Salt Lake.
^^
I'm so happy I live here. I was out visiting a new (for me) latino grocery store (looking for my favorite kind of cake.. closer to home than the place I discovered last month). It was great fun. I came home and told Cody about my wonderful adventure and added (to my utter delight) that I had less than zero anxiety on this excursion (to unknown territory) of mine ;D okay, maybe 'unknown' is stretching it since I've been to several of those stores now (and always love it). But it was so cool. Going back to the bakery section and asking questions and getting what I needed (all in Spanish). The coolest part was the kid behind me in line (with his mother) - he said to his mom as I was leaving "she speaks spanish?" (he said this in Spanish. He was surprised I spoke.. ) It was very cute. I was smiling the whole way out of the store (you can imagine I'm sure). Marvelous fun.
Anyway.
Come to town; I'll show you around =D
heh
but honestly, they're not as cool as the ones here in Salt Lake.
^^
I'm so happy I live here. I was out visiting a new (for me) latino grocery store (looking for my favorite kind of cake.. closer to home than the place I discovered last month). It was great fun. I came home and told Cody about my wonderful adventure and added (to my utter delight) that I had less than zero anxiety on this excursion (to unknown territory) of mine ;D okay, maybe 'unknown' is stretching it since I've been to several of those stores now (and always love it). But it was so cool. Going back to the bakery section and asking questions and getting what I needed (all in Spanish). The coolest part was the kid behind me in line (with his mother) - he said to his mom as I was leaving "she speaks spanish?" (he said this in Spanish. He was surprised I spoke.. ) It was very cute. I was smiling the whole way out of the store (you can imagine I'm sure). Marvelous fun.
Anyway.
Come to town; I'll show you around =D
I don't really believe in sour grapes -- But in this case I do
Let's talk about transference 
boy it's fun.
But it's an amazing thing.
It's so fun to meet someone who reminds you of someone you love (but for some reason the prior relationship didn't pan out. or they died. who knows)
Anyway.
Enter party #2 (or three in this case if you count yourself as a party. I usually do count myself as a party - 'cause I'm that kind of girl.) ANYWAY
It's interesting to head into the second relationship (even if it's just a friendship) and expect similarities galore (and even though the first important similarity IS there - be fascinated and amazed that the other expectations are not realized - or not realized the way you thought they might be). This is not necessarily a negative thing. It is just me being surprised (yet again) that the world does not spin the way I think it should, would, will, does. It doesn't. It never ceases to amaze me. (Perhaps I am easily surprised.) (Maybe Dina is right and I have some high expectations.) Oddly enough, Dina, you are not the only level-headed one to give me that very insight. Honestly, a trusted friend who I've known for 20 years gave me the exact same feedback the other day. Pretty funny!
Anyway, so I went into this relationship (it's great) expecting to see some similarities. I end up surprised by a few things:
1) Person B is not Person A (Surprise!) but I was surprised
2) It turns out I'm not jealous of people that I was anticipating being jealous of (Isn't that nice and ambiguous? What on Earth am I talking about?) Really, no jealousy at all - and I did sort of expect some on my part.
3) I think I'm happy not meeting Person A b/c I would probably be surprised about whatever I would learn about her (and that's not a negative thing). But it's interesting to go through this experience with Person B and think "This is probably what it would be like to go through the same thing with Person A." And I think in some ways there's a lot of truth in that. I would probably end up being surprised and brought back down to Earth (in a good way) by a lot of realizations.
At any rate, my little narrow mind is surprised by lots of things. But I'm quite happy.
I should get back to quilting.
Oh I guess I should explain the sour grapes. I still don't really believe in sour grapes. And in this case I guess a more appropriate scenario would be not "aw, those grapes are probably sour anyway" but might be instead - can't reach the grapes, but they aren't grapes anyway - they're actually raspberries --Surprise!!!
hahah
=D
Kim, I still maintain that you remind me of my friend in a very good way. And I am happy to know you. Thanks for opening your home to me. I'll see about banana bread another day, if you like. ;D
boy it's fun.
But it's an amazing thing.
It's so fun to meet someone who reminds you of someone you love (but for some reason the prior relationship didn't pan out. or they died. who knows)
Anyway.
Enter party #2 (or three in this case if you count yourself as a party. I usually do count myself as a party - 'cause I'm that kind of girl.) ANYWAY
It's interesting to head into the second relationship (even if it's just a friendship) and expect similarities galore (and even though the first important similarity IS there - be fascinated and amazed that the other expectations are not realized - or not realized the way you thought they might be). This is not necessarily a negative thing. It is just me being surprised (yet again) that the world does not spin the way I think it should, would, will, does. It doesn't. It never ceases to amaze me. (Perhaps I am easily surprised.) (Maybe Dina is right and I have some high expectations.) Oddly enough, Dina, you are not the only level-headed one to give me that very insight. Honestly, a trusted friend who I've known for 20 years gave me the exact same feedback the other day. Pretty funny!
Anyway, so I went into this relationship (it's great) expecting to see some similarities. I end up surprised by a few things:
1) Person B is not Person A (Surprise!) but I was surprised
2) It turns out I'm not jealous of people that I was anticipating being jealous of (Isn't that nice and ambiguous? What on Earth am I talking about?) Really, no jealousy at all - and I did sort of expect some on my part.
3) I think I'm happy not meeting Person A b/c I would probably be surprised about whatever I would learn about her (and that's not a negative thing). But it's interesting to go through this experience with Person B and think "This is probably what it would be like to go through the same thing with Person A." And I think in some ways there's a lot of truth in that. I would probably end up being surprised and brought back down to Earth (in a good way) by a lot of realizations.
At any rate, my little narrow mind is surprised by lots of things. But I'm quite happy.
I should get back to quilting.
Oh I guess I should explain the sour grapes. I still don't really believe in sour grapes. And in this case I guess a more appropriate scenario would be not "aw, those grapes are probably sour anyway" but might be instead - can't reach the grapes, but they aren't grapes anyway - they're actually raspberries --Surprise!!!
hahah
=D
Kim, I still maintain that you remind me of my friend in a very good way. And I am happy to know you. Thanks for opening your home to me. I'll see about banana bread another day, if you like. ;D
Blankets are a good way to make friends
(Trust me.)
I'm just gonna leave it at that and let you all wonder. HAhahaha
ok.
snowed today. And my herbs (finally arrived and I took them) made me fall asleep last night and sleep through the night finally. Praise Chinese herbs.
OH, and Cody saved the day yesterday and got a picture printed up that we'll use for our Christmas cards this year. He's a Genius. I'm so glad I married him. ^^
Hope you all are well and happy.
As you were.
- H.O.
I'm just gonna leave it at that and let you all wonder. HAhahaha
ok.
snowed today. And my herbs (finally arrived and I took them) made me fall asleep last night and sleep through the night finally. Praise Chinese herbs.
OH, and Cody saved the day yesterday and got a picture printed up that we'll use for our Christmas cards this year. He's a Genius. I'm so glad I married him. ^^
Hope you all are well and happy.
As you were.
- H.O.
Monday, December 13, 2010
Was it really worth that 5 minutes of enjoyment?
for the stomachache I have now - I say 'definitely not.'
And I so feel like an old lady.
So....... I tried some new digestive enzymes recently (b/c the ones I had were good enough, but I wanted better. so much for aspiring to great heights, eh). And these new ones I got I felt good about. And I tried them. And after two days of taking one with each meal, I noticed I was extremely (quite) dizzy. So I stopped taking them (and am no longer dizzy). But now I get to go back and get my normal enzymes now ('cause I really need some). ow.
Don't eat ice cream in the same day that you eat 3 (small) servings of chocolate cake! I can't handle it.
And I'd be fine if I had my enzymes.
ah well.
that's life.
still happy. I'll be staying up tonight. Anyone need any errands run? Anything I can do for you? Just give me a ring. I may be up. ^^
(no, don't call)
☺
And I so feel like an old lady.
So....... I tried some new digestive enzymes recently (b/c the ones I had were good enough, but I wanted better. so much for aspiring to great heights, eh). And these new ones I got I felt good about. And I tried them. And after two days of taking one with each meal, I noticed I was extremely (quite) dizzy. So I stopped taking them (and am no longer dizzy). But now I get to go back and get my normal enzymes now ('cause I really need some). ow.
Don't eat ice cream in the same day that you eat 3 (small) servings of chocolate cake! I can't handle it.
And I'd be fine if I had my enzymes.
ah well.
that's life.
still happy. I'll be staying up tonight. Anyone need any errands run? Anything I can do for you? Just give me a ring. I may be up. ^^
(no, don't call)
☺
Friday, December 10, 2010
New Appointments
Okay folks,
Here it is. I've scheduled with a new doctor (an ND this time). B/c I like to try everything once.
(more or less)
And I have a few interesting items to share:
First - I love filling out patient intake forms. This is probably why I like the parody "me-harmony" commercial so much (b/c although I have never used a dating service, sadly I can deeply relate to the attitude they poke fun at).
Second - I would love having me for a patient. I have such an entertaining sense of humor.
Third - Some questionnaires are more fun than others. THIS one had a few extra questions in the 'female health' section, which I happily answered as honestly as I possibly could (excepting of course the question that is none of her business and so I didn't answer). I'm very proud of that section (my entertaining answers).
Fourth - This lady sounds so nice over the phone. I screamed (squealed) when I hung up the other day when she called to schedule me in.
Fifth - I really hope she can help me (and think there's a good chance she will). And hope floats. So we're walkin' on sunshine, kiddies.
Ciao muñecas!
Here it is. I've scheduled with a new doctor (an ND this time). B/c I like to try everything once.
(more or less)
And I have a few interesting items to share:
First - I love filling out patient intake forms. This is probably why I like the parody "me-harmony" commercial so much (b/c although I have never used a dating service, sadly I can deeply relate to the attitude they poke fun at).
Second - I would love having me for a patient. I have such an entertaining sense of humor.
Third - Some questionnaires are more fun than others. THIS one had a few extra questions in the 'female health' section, which I happily answered as honestly as I possibly could (excepting of course the question that is none of her business and so I didn't answer). I'm very proud of that section (my entertaining answers).
Fourth - This lady sounds so nice over the phone. I screamed (squealed) when I hung up the other day when she called to schedule me in.
Fifth - I really hope she can help me (and think there's a good chance she will). And hope floats. So we're walkin' on sunshine, kiddies.
Ciao muñecas!
Thursday, December 9, 2010
Pretend it's January 1st =)
What I learned this year:
Next Year's Lesson:
I also learned that Christ has ways of healing that I can't even pretend to explain. But there are ways and answers - and life is very good (even though at times it seems like we just have to wait 'till we're dead to find relief). There is help in the meantime. [see item #2 above =) ] - H.O. =D |
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
So what should I try next?
I got my thyroid checked, and I'm 100% completely normal. Normal is normal.
So. Since I want to be better than normal ('cause I don't care for this normal if I can have a healthier one), what shall I try next?
I have a few options in mind:
1) Change nothing and be satisfied with what I've got. (not a bad option in some ways. I AM able to function pretty well, as is - and I'm not depressed like I used to be. So maybe that's okay.)
2) Try a new doctor. I love meeting people, and there's this woman naturopathic physician that I'm sort of considering giving a go.
3) Hound one or both of my current acupuncturists more. More is better (?) hrm... The herbs HAVE absolutely without a doubt helped my menstrual cycle. I'm sure I wouldn't be menstruating except for those herbs. So maybe try that a bit more intensely?
4) Just do more yoga. (mild exercise, but excellent for building muscles. I read something the other day that described thin people with high metabolism - and they said that really the only way for them to gain weight was to exercise - moderately - but appropriate to build muscle tissue.) I half believe this, as it rang true to me as I read it.
5) Try fasting. They say it fixes everything. But it's so counter-intuitive in this situation. ;)
(it's a church reference. don't try to understand it if you don't know what I mean)
6) I shouldn't really have added 5, it feels kind of blasphemous
7) Look up a hot 65 yr old and ask her if she wants to be friends ('cause that could fix all my troubles ;D or make them worth surviving)
ah, well you know where I'm putting my vote.
I don't like giving up - so I imagine I'll keep trying one or more of the above. But I want to make this a democratic process. So cast your vote.
♥☺♥
*****************
few hours later.. I have called and left a message to go see said Naturopathic Physician.
We'll see how it goes ;)
So. Since I want to be better than normal ('cause I don't care for this normal if I can have a healthier one), what shall I try next?
I have a few options in mind:
1) Change nothing and be satisfied with what I've got. (not a bad option in some ways. I AM able to function pretty well, as is - and I'm not depressed like I used to be. So maybe that's okay.)
2) Try a new doctor. I love meeting people, and there's this woman naturopathic physician that I'm sort of considering giving a go.
3) Hound one or both of my current acupuncturists more. More is better (?) hrm... The herbs HAVE absolutely without a doubt helped my menstrual cycle. I'm sure I wouldn't be menstruating except for those herbs. So maybe try that a bit more intensely?
4) Just do more yoga. (mild exercise, but excellent for building muscles. I read something the other day that described thin people with high metabolism - and they said that really the only way for them to gain weight was to exercise - moderately - but appropriate to build muscle tissue.) I half believe this, as it rang true to me as I read it.
5) Try fasting. They say it fixes everything. But it's so counter-intuitive in this situation. ;)
(it's a church reference. don't try to understand it if you don't know what I mean)
6) I shouldn't really have added 5, it feels kind of blasphemous
7) Look up a hot 65 yr old and ask her if she wants to be friends ('cause that could fix all my troubles ;D or make them worth surviving)
ah, well you know where I'm putting my vote.
I don't like giving up - so I imagine I'll keep trying one or more of the above. But I want to make this a democratic process. So cast your vote.
♥☺♥
*****************
few hours later.. I have called and left a message to go see said Naturopathic Physician.
We'll see how it goes ;)
Thyroid results
Results are in! I'm normal!
just anorexic for no friggin' reason.
ok.
well
Here are the numbers. I'll read up on them a little later.
T4 7.6 (normal range = 4.5-12)
T3 34% (normal range = 24-39)
(not sure what this is called. I forgot what she said. but it started with an F - so maybe it was Free Thyroxine Index (FTI). ??
?? 2.6 (normal range = 1.2-4.9)
normal normal normal normal is normal is normal. i'm glad I'm normal. I should tell Kim. Here is PROOF of what I said before ^^
just anorexic for no friggin' reason.
ok.
well
Here are the numbers. I'll read up on them a little later.
T4 7.6 (normal range = 4.5-12)
T3 34% (normal range = 24-39)
(not sure what this is called. I forgot what she said. but it started with an F - so maybe it was Free Thyroxine Index (FTI). ??
?? 2.6 (normal range = 1.2-4.9)
normal normal normal normal is normal is normal. i'm glad I'm normal. I should tell Kim. Here is PROOF of what I said before ^^
Feeling Better!
I don't think I've ever spent a full day in bed before. Usually I can manage to goof off (computer, movies) or SOMETHING. even DAY-DREAM. but not yesterday. And I was surprised how quickly the time went even when I wasn't asleep (though I guess I slept through some of the day).
Benadryl is a must. Ibuprofen for fever is good. Hired help to take care of the kids is indispensable. (Happily, Cody and I staggered our worst days, so the other was able to take care of the kids.)
And finally, digestive enzymes are wonderful. But I wished I'd had more of them so I'd have been able to do a decent test of 'does this make the entire bout with the stomach flu a lot easier?'
As it was, I was not able to get a good test of that.
All of you can be pleased that I'm sparing the rest of the details.
Ah - I DID make it without vomiting. (knock on wood)
TODAY, breakfast sounds REALLY good. I can hardly wait! ;DDD
oh - and human bodies are amazing for the things we are able to do. I've been to hell and back, and feel great (now). =D
- H.O.
Benadryl is a must. Ibuprofen for fever is good. Hired help to take care of the kids is indispensable. (Happily, Cody and I staggered our worst days, so the other was able to take care of the kids.)
And finally, digestive enzymes are wonderful. But I wished I'd had more of them so I'd have been able to do a decent test of 'does this make the entire bout with the stomach flu a lot easier?'
As it was, I was not able to get a good test of that.
All of you can be pleased that I'm sparing the rest of the details.
Ah - I DID make it without vomiting. (knock on wood)
TODAY, breakfast sounds REALLY good. I can hardly wait! ;DDD
oh - and human bodies are amazing for the things we are able to do. I've been to hell and back, and feel great (now). =D
- H.O.
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
It's an interesting thing
to have downed 2 Benadryl tablets and to not really be feeling the effects 2 hours later. You know it's b/c they're just sitting there.. bleh
I have half a mind and half a desire to try to help myself get the inevitable over with. But I really hate throwing up. My body doesn't like it. I don't like it. I very rarely ever throw up. Generally I do everything in my power to wait it out without throwing up.
The funny thing is as I talked to my husband at 3:00 I told him quite honestly "it's gonna be such a blow to my ego if I throw up. I was feeling so much better than you. ;) "
And it's true. That's definitely going to be one of the worst parts for me.
Ah, such is life. It's all good.
;)
I have half a mind and half a desire to try to help myself get the inevitable over with. But I really hate throwing up. My body doesn't like it. I don't like it. I very rarely ever throw up. Generally I do everything in my power to wait it out without throwing up.
The funny thing is as I talked to my husband at 3:00 I told him quite honestly "it's gonna be such a blow to my ego if I throw up. I was feeling so much better than you. ;) "
And it's true. That's definitely going to be one of the worst parts for me.
Ah, such is life. It's all good.
;)
If you ever get the stomach flu
Try digestive enzymes! Knock on wood - they have helped me be able to eat pretty darn well, while people around me are dying.
Unfortunately, however, I ran out of my coveted pile of enzymes last night (before my last meal) and I'm about to start swearing right now.
really, though. That is my very useful pointer for stomach flu.
And benadryl helps, too, I think.
And acupressure.
I'll have you all know, that yesterday I was feeling very tired (just as drained as my husband, maybe - although he was definitely worse off overall than I was) in the evening. But I had to run at least one errand in the evening. I treated myself (home acupressure allergy treatment) and felt wonderful (much better) [oh - that's treating myself for my own saliva, which theoretically would contain whatever virus I have. That's how you treat that with acupressure. pretty darn awesome. I know a lot of people who do this.] I was able to drive without passing out (that's very nice). And really - my head felt quite clear and my stomach felt perfect. It was amazing.
I guess the moral of the story for me is, never run low on your digestive enzyme supplements (or any supplements that work well for you). Always keep a decent supply.
signing off (and trying not to swear),
- H.O. ^^ (this smiley face is really not applicable)
;) (but this one is)
Unfortunately, however, I ran out of my coveted pile of enzymes last night (before my last meal) and I'm about to start swearing right now.
really, though. That is my very useful pointer for stomach flu.
And benadryl helps, too, I think.
And acupressure.
I'll have you all know, that yesterday I was feeling very tired (just as drained as my husband, maybe - although he was definitely worse off overall than I was) in the evening. But I had to run at least one errand in the evening. I treated myself (home acupressure allergy treatment) and felt wonderful (much better) [oh - that's treating myself for my own saliva, which theoretically would contain whatever virus I have. That's how you treat that with acupressure. pretty darn awesome. I know a lot of people who do this.] I was able to drive without passing out (that's very nice). And really - my head felt quite clear and my stomach felt perfect. It was amazing.
I guess the moral of the story for me is, never run low on your digestive enzyme supplements (or any supplements that work well for you). Always keep a decent supply.
signing off (and trying not to swear),
- H.O. ^^ (this smiley face is really not applicable)
;) (but this one is)
Sunday, December 5, 2010
Dreams: He-Man & Breastfeeding (uh, not in the same dream)
Okay kiddos! First I want to announce that this first dream is indirectly related to Kim. 'cause now I am 'aware' even though I still don't want to be aware.. (And I'm sorry you all aren't in the loop, but I just wanted to make that announcement.) (and we're talking about child-abuse awareness - not anything more interesting than that.)
Prefaced, thus, here is last night's adventure:
Remember Teela, from the tv series "He-Man and the Masters of the Universe"? Do you remember that she was the Sorceress' daughter?
Well I dreamed that we (we is everyone, I guess) lived in the 'palace of Eternos' (He-Man's castle) and everyone spoke French. (cool!) And Teela was finally pregnant (I don't know what finally means. Maybe she'd been trying for a while.) But she was pregnant, and so she went to visit her mother (who she now knew was her mother) and once there, decided to stay there for the duration of the pregnancy in order to keep said child safe from, you guessed it, 'the evil powers of Skeletor.' Meanwhile, back at the castle, all of her friends (Teela's friends) were patiently awaiting her return (for how long?) but they were patiently waiting, and asking, and being told nothing, and waiting. Finally the King decided (and sent He-Man? of course it would be He-Man) to go yell at Teela and tell her that it was rude of her to leave her friends the way she did, and to come back. I think I went along on this errand, and therefore saw Teela at her mother's cave/castle (what is that thing? it's a cave, huh) - and I just remember the Sorceress leaving (presumably to find food) and her daughter, Teela, yelling (but kindly) "mother" - trying on the name - since that was the first time she'd ever called her that. And she was very happy (Teela).
okay.
End dream one. Enter dream two.
While I was asleep, the two dreams seemed to be ONE dream. But once I woke up, I realized they have/had nothing to do with each other.
Dream two:
My family, parents and I are moving to Lehi (it's a town in Utah, for you folks who don't know. In my dream it was a couple hours south of where we currently lived).
While preparing to finally head out on the road, my team-mate and I (some hispanic dude - I suppose he was some friend of ours or hired help maybe?) (we are driving one of two moving vans. They're actually semi's) stop at a rest-stop/book shop to wait for the rest of the group to catch up to us. We get sodas and snacks (he talks about soda in the UK not being as good as what they have here. Or maybe he said the opposite. Dina, I think this part is b/c of you.)
And then as we're getting ready to go, I am looking around the book shop, and I realize that I want to take with me a couple books that I had donated there about a week earlier. There is a policy that you are allowed to change your mind and take what you had donated, if you do so within one month (you can do this without paying for those books again, you see). So I grab the two books, but I want to talk to the clerk before I leave so he knows what I'm doing and I'm not accused of stealing. I wait in line behind one woman, he is obviously busy helping. I wait and wait, and finally he tells me (thinking I am an employee) "I already told you, put those over there.." I don't leave, and I explain that I'm not an employee, but I just wanted to let him know I changed my mind about these books I donated, but I didn't want him to think that I was stealing them ('cause I'm willing to pay for them if he wants), so I'm just checking to see that it's okay.. All the while I am explaining, I am not looking at his face (quite timid). He listens, looks me over (probably) and incredulously asks me "How do you expect to land a job, being so shy (lacking confidence to look me in the face.. how are you going to get a job if you go to job interviews like this!?)" Two women sitting across the way (I think they had children) start laughing at me (they agree with that clerk). I am super mad and march over and get in their faces "I don't work - I stay home & breastfeed my children!!"
End dream two.
And the night before last I think I went to bed hungry 'cause I dreamt about buffets and wanting some of a lot of what I saw, and I wanted to get ALL my plates loaded up (all at once, you know) and get everything (yogurt, pastries, probably other food as well - but I remember the pastries and yogurt).
yeah..
woke up hungry. ;(
hahahahah
^^
Prefaced, thus, here is last night's adventure:
Remember Teela, from the tv series "He-Man and the Masters of the Universe"? Do you remember that she was the Sorceress' daughter?
Well I dreamed that we (we is everyone, I guess) lived in the 'palace of Eternos' (He-Man's castle) and everyone spoke French. (cool!) And Teela was finally pregnant (I don't know what finally means. Maybe she'd been trying for a while.) But she was pregnant, and so she went to visit her mother (who she now knew was her mother) and once there, decided to stay there for the duration of the pregnancy in order to keep said child safe from, you guessed it, 'the evil powers of Skeletor.' Meanwhile, back at the castle, all of her friends (Teela's friends) were patiently awaiting her return (for how long?) but they were patiently waiting, and asking, and being told nothing, and waiting. Finally the King decided (and sent He-Man? of course it would be He-Man) to go yell at Teela and tell her that it was rude of her to leave her friends the way she did, and to come back. I think I went along on this errand, and therefore saw Teela at her mother's cave/castle (what is that thing? it's a cave, huh) - and I just remember the Sorceress leaving (presumably to find food) and her daughter, Teela, yelling (but kindly) "mother" - trying on the name - since that was the first time she'd ever called her that. And she was very happy (Teela).
okay.
End dream one. Enter dream two.
While I was asleep, the two dreams seemed to be ONE dream. But once I woke up, I realized they have/had nothing to do with each other.
Dream two:
My family, parents and I are moving to Lehi (it's a town in Utah, for you folks who don't know. In my dream it was a couple hours south of where we currently lived).
While preparing to finally head out on the road, my team-mate and I (some hispanic dude - I suppose he was some friend of ours or hired help maybe?) (we are driving one of two moving vans. They're actually semi's) stop at a rest-stop/book shop to wait for the rest of the group to catch up to us. We get sodas and snacks (he talks about soda in the UK not being as good as what they have here. Or maybe he said the opposite. Dina, I think this part is b/c of you.)
And then as we're getting ready to go, I am looking around the book shop, and I realize that I want to take with me a couple books that I had donated there about a week earlier. There is a policy that you are allowed to change your mind and take what you had donated, if you do so within one month (you can do this without paying for those books again, you see). So I grab the two books, but I want to talk to the clerk before I leave so he knows what I'm doing and I'm not accused of stealing. I wait in line behind one woman, he is obviously busy helping. I wait and wait, and finally he tells me (thinking I am an employee) "I already told you, put those over there.." I don't leave, and I explain that I'm not an employee, but I just wanted to let him know I changed my mind about these books I donated, but I didn't want him to think that I was stealing them ('cause I'm willing to pay for them if he wants), so I'm just checking to see that it's okay.. All the while I am explaining, I am not looking at his face (quite timid). He listens, looks me over (probably) and incredulously asks me "How do you expect to land a job, being so shy (lacking confidence to look me in the face.. how are you going to get a job if you go to job interviews like this!?)" Two women sitting across the way (I think they had children) start laughing at me (they agree with that clerk). I am super mad and march over and get in their faces "I don't work - I stay home & breastfeed my children!!"
End dream two.
And the night before last I think I went to bed hungry 'cause I dreamt about buffets and wanting some of a lot of what I saw, and I wanted to get ALL my plates loaded up (all at once, you know) and get everything (yogurt, pastries, probably other food as well - but I remember the pastries and yogurt).
yeah..
woke up hungry. ;(
hahahahah
^^
Friday, December 3, 2010
OH Beautiful!!! ;D
 | I've found the next five books I want to read. ;) beginning with: I Remember Nothing: and Other Reflections by Nora Ephron. She's written a few other books, as well. ^^ Just saw an interview with this lovely (and comedic) 60 (70 ^^) yr old writer. They have a nice clip of an interview with her at amazon.com (linked above). She's quite funny. |
I practically have to fan myself while writing this. wow. So that's fun.
OH - she talks about aging! That's what caught my attention, besides her age.. And her age and sense of humor kept my attention.
She is known for her work writing, directing, etc. comedies including When Harry Met Sally, You've Got Mail, and Julie and Julia (I really enjoyed this one).
So that's what I'll be reading this next little while.
☺
Thursday, December 2, 2010
Traveling Gingerbread Man
Postcards requested ^^ (Zhen, Cody specifically thought it would be neat if you are able to mail something.)
Joe's kindergarten class baked a gingerbread man the other day and he escaped from the oven (it was interesting to hear this story from Joe).
The teacher sent a note to parents a week prior asking us to ask our relatives and friends to send a postcard to our elementary school indicating that they have seen said gingerbread man where they live. (You've seen him, right?)
Well if you have, and if you're interested in telling us your story (of where you saw him and who he was with. My, the possibilities.. ) please send your testimonies to:
Falcon Ridge Elementary
C/O Mrs. Johanson (P.M. Class)
6111 W. 7000 S.
West Jordan, UT 84081
No pressure folks. Only if you're interested.
^^
- Jen
Joe's kindergarten class baked a gingerbread man the other day and he escaped from the oven (it was interesting to hear this story from Joe).
The teacher sent a note to parents a week prior asking us to ask our relatives and friends to send a postcard to our elementary school indicating that they have seen said gingerbread man where they live. (You've seen him, right?)
Well if you have, and if you're interested in telling us your story (of where you saw him and who he was with. My, the possibilities.. ) please send your testimonies to:
Falcon Ridge Elementary
C/O Mrs. Johanson (P.M. Class)
6111 W. 7000 S.
West Jordan, UT 84081
No pressure folks. Only if you're interested.
^^
- Jen
homework woes
Joe's sitting at the table working on his homework singing "I am in misery" (a la popular tune on the radio currently). ;D
In other news, playing pretend is underrated. Alex, you are a trooper (and marvelous fun). Thank you ;)
December is gonna fly by this year; you wait and see. I'm amazed that it's here already.
And I think I'm gonna Benadryl it tonight b/c last night's copious chinese herbs (that usually work) didn't do much.
Night! ;D
In other news, playing pretend is underrated. Alex, you are a trooper (and marvelous fun). Thank you ;)
December is gonna fly by this year; you wait and see. I'm amazed that it's here already.
And I think I'm gonna Benadryl it tonight b/c last night's copious chinese herbs (that usually work) didn't do much.
Night! ;D
I survived today's appointments ^^
Had so much fun, I think I'll do it again next week.
Blood is drawn - and they said they'd call me if the results were abnormal (which translates to I'll call them in a week and get my numbers).
And I met a fun nurse from Bosnia (interesting accent).
It's time for a nap. I feel terrific for being up since 2am, but it's startin' to hurt. kind of hurt at 8am, too. ;/
Blood is drawn - and they said they'd call me if the results were abnormal (which translates to I'll call them in a week and get my numbers).
And I met a fun nurse from Bosnia (interesting accent).
It's time for a nap. I feel terrific for being up since 2am, but it's startin' to hurt. kind of hurt at 8am, too. ;/
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
ear tubes
All I hear about them are the horror stories (I assume that's all there are ;/ )
So, aside from allergy treatments (that get at avoiding ear infections triggered by allergens), what can we do to help my son not get this surgery? (besides just letting him go deaf.) What are some ways to drain the fluid behind his eardrum without surgery?
Any experiences, ideas, anecdotes, help?
Thank you much.
Remembering my breathing exercises in Utah,
H.O. (staving off panic attack. ..)
=/
So, aside from allergy treatments (that get at avoiding ear infections triggered by allergens), what can we do to help my son not get this surgery? (besides just letting him go deaf.) What are some ways to drain the fluid behind his eardrum without surgery?
Any experiences, ideas, anecdotes, help?
Thank you much.
Remembering my breathing exercises in Utah,
H.O. (staving off panic attack. ..)
=/
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